dont u just hate it when ur trying to take a picter wit ur phone and it just wont take it how u want it

i was gonna complain about how no one thinks i’m ‘hot’

but then i thought about it for a few seconds

and realized, ‘well i’m not hot’

and there went my complaint, out the door.

_{what I’m missing is someone/something who/that will make me feel not just complete, but good about that completeness. Someone/something thanks to whom/which I will feel good about the person I am. But that is so difficult with a closet full of skeletons and an inclination toward openness, both of which I am or am not proud to have…}

Not sometimes, but absolutely always, I wish I were one of those people who proudly say that “my friends and this-and-that-club define me, without them I’m nothing.”

I wish I was interesting and the soul of any company; it sounds like a ton of pressure and constant standing in the spotlight, but if others can take it, why can’t I?

My parents are very sociable. Why can’t I grow up to be so magnetic and appealing as they are? Their youth was marked by true blue best friends, frequent outings, hobbies like playing piano and being on the school’s bicycling team (and locations for both are promising in terms of new friends), and their 20’s and early 30’s (after they had me) were filled with cooking shashlik in the woods, hiking in the mountains, swimming and drinking at the beach, and all in big groups of people, many of them couples of their own. How did they grow up to make these connections and be so deep into a big company?

What am I missing that won’t allow me to do this? I want great memories and a tight group of close friends. But no one stays. I always have one, two friends at most, yet I can never connect to anyone completely. “Trust issues” is a nonsensical, stupid, incomplete reply to that. There must be more to my character, but I can’t define what, that won’t allow me to have a good time with many people and get to know them better. No one, after meeting me once, wants to see me again or get to know me. Other people have better luck with their first impressions.

all the photos taken of me on various trips in nice outfits turned out shitty and my legs turned out short and fat, /wrist