This majestic beast has a hard candy body, a licorice trunk, shards of sugar glass for tusks, and four little lollipop sticks for legs. Its body is so big that it’s estimated it would take a hundred kindergartners a month to eat the whole thing.

In other news, there’s apparently a branch of mathematics devoted to estimating exactly how long it would take how many kindergartners to eat something. So if you haven’t declared your major yet, keep that in mind.

This is kind of like a gummi worm, in that it’s a normally disgusting creature rendered in delicious candy. But this guy is made of hard candy instead of soft gummistuff, and he skitters around on lollipop sticks instead of squirming agreeably down your throat.

Huh. I haven’t read the phrase “squirming agreeably down your throat” since I finished Naked Lunch.

Sure, kittens are adorable, soft, and prone to hilarious grammatical errors, but they have one fatal flaw: they’re not made of delicious candy. This cat fixes that oversight, so now you can have your adorable and eat it, too.

I mean, seriously. It’s as awesome as if you found out those adorable pigs you saw at the farm were made out of, I don’t know, bacon, or something.

You’re fighting a lolligator

With its mouth full of hard candy teeth and its sharp little lollipop stick legs, the lolligator is a formidable (if sweet) opponent. It’s far more deadly than its distant evolutionary cousin, the chocodile.

You unroll the cursed scroll and read the joke written thereon. It’s far too dirty and far too scary a joke to actually transcribe in a family game, but suffice to say that it simultaneously terrifies and scandalizes your opponent, to the tune of 1 (+103) (+104) damage.